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The exact opposite of hardcore.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Poker Face I & II.

I found an old blog that I wrote and I found it amusing so I am sharing it because sharing is caring. I'm not saying I care about you but you should read it if you like. Or don't. No pressure here.

Since my hours have been cut at work I have taken to spending my time doing two things. Studying and pestering people on online poker… And watching television but that would make it three things so never mind. You meet interesting people online. Most of them don’t speak English but that does not stop them extending a warm hello in their native tongue. Today I met someone who did speak English. His name is Jason.

Jason promptly went offline after my final statement. I think his make up needed to be touched up. Or he was content with winning. Either or. I like to go with the first suggestion but you can pick your favorite.
(obviously this is part II)

Another day when I was playing poker online I met some more interesting people. I took screen shots, saved them then forgot about them. Then today, by some miracle, I discovered them again. They are treasure. I know this because I saved the images as 'Treasure.jpg' 

Anyway, that's all I found. I guess I'll have to go back online and find some new friends. Or maybe I should study. Nope.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

People smuggling, bum bags, identity theft and casual knifings

I know I said I wouldn't do this to you again but it's a good one. Or it's not. I laughed but that's probably because my own awkwardness actually overwhelmed me when I re-watched it.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Morning. More like MOURNING. LOL.

You know those people who are super happy, morning people? I hate them. Actually, that's not fair. I hate the ones that come up to me in the morning and are all 'WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ITZ MOOOOOOOOOOOORNING!' and then I have to be all like 'DIE' or I make my one morning joke which is 'morning? More like MOURNING!' and then no one laughs and I feel awkward and angry for being awake so early. And also, bummed out because people just don't appreciate clean jokes anymore.

Honestly, I don't know what it is about mornings that make me wish I was dead but that's how I feel. Today, when I was at work I told a lady this and she was like 'but you can get so much more done if you wake up earlier' which I know is a lie because the earlier I wake up the more likely it is that I'm going to need to have a nap later. 

And not only do I need to nap but I find that if I deprive myself from the nap I become -200% less productive than I already am and start making up ridiculous statistics that make no sense. Then I write blogs like this which has no purpose at all and people get all up in my grill and say things like 'WEN R YO GUNNA RITE A DECENT BLOG *insert offensive word here*'. Which depresses me and then I spend more time in my bed than I originally did.

So because I have nothing more to add I will draw a flow diagram explaining why morning people will eventually cause the world to end. 

And this is completely unrelated but I just remembered the story and if I don't tell someone I'll probably forget it again. One time I went on a date with this guy who was so super boring that when he got up to use the bathroom during the movie I called my friend and asked if it would be alright if I just left him there. He said no.